Your Body's New Normal Wasn't Your Choice

Have you ever had someone completely misunderstand what you're going through after cancer? That moment when a well-meaning comment reveals just how wide the gap is between their perception and your reality?

When my nurse casually remarked I was "lucky" not to have periods anymore after chemotherapy, it sparked deeper reflection on how cancer forces our bodies onto timelines we never chose. That presumed "convenience" actually represents profound loss—the natural rhythms and feedback mechanisms our bodies use to communicate with us.

Before cancer, my menstrual cycle wasn't just a monthly occurrence but a reliable barometer for my overall health. As an athlete and during military deployments, changes in my cycle signaled when I needed rest or better nutrition. Losing this connection at age 45 created an unexpected void—one of many ways cancer survivors experience disconnection from bodies that feel like they've betrayed us.

This disconnection extends beyond menstruation. A friend who underwent mastectomy later faced the heartbreak of being unable to breastfeed her newborn. These moments highlight cancer's double cruelty: first the disease itself, then the permanent alterations to our natural life progression.

Yet within this altered timeline, we can find ways to reclaim agency. For me, this means replacing my monthly cycle with yearly adventures—specifically, leading expeditions to Mount Kilimanjaro. These self-chosen physical challenges rebuild trust with my body and create new rhythms on my terms.

If you're navigating similar post-cancer terrain, know your feelings of grief and loss are entirely valid. And if reclaiming your physical power appeals to you, consider joining our 2026 Kilimanjaro climb. Registration opens June 10th—perhaps the perfect opportunity to write a new chapter in your relationship with your body.

Chapters

• 0:00 Confronting Insensitive Comments
• 3:32 Grieving Lost Natural Processes
• 5:36 Feeling Disconnected From Your Body
• 6:43 Reframing the Narrative
• 9:21 Finding New Cycles and Adventures

Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:30

Today I want to talk about something that came up for me recently, and if you've been through cancer and you're listening to this podcast, maybe you've had an experience like this as well. So I was at an appointment with my primary care doctor and the nurse was filling out the intake form before my appointment you know, asking me all of the questions that nurses ask before you see the doctor and the nurse asked what was the date of my last period? And I said, oh, I haven't had a period for three years, not since chemotherapy and the nurse replied oh, you're so lucky not to have a period. And while I know she meant well, that comment really struck a chord with me, because lucky isn't exactly how I felt. What I felt was a deep sadness, and a really unexpected sadness, because cancer had taken from me the ability to just age naturally and gracefully, like my body was designed to do. That feeling of your body being on a timeline that you didn't choose is just something that those of us who have had cancer don't talk about, and it's something that people who haven't experienced this because of cancer treatment don't really understand. It's more than just the physical changes. It's also about the emotional impact of those changes and the feeling of being robbed of a natural experience. I feel like before cancer.

Speaker 0: 2:04

My period was a really good way of knowing how my body was doing. Sometimes, when I was a collegiate athlete and an elite athlete, racing and training all over the world, I would lose my period, which isn't that uncommon for female endurance athletes. But when I would lose my period, it was a really good sign to me and to my coaches that I needed to rest, that I needed to eat better, that I needed to take care of my body because something was off. And I even lost my period at several points during my army career, especially during deployments, when I would be under so much stress just would stop menstruating and, of course, not having a period during pregnancies and knowing that was because my body was creating another life form. Knowing that was because my body was creating another life form, that's incredible. I really miss the feedback that I got from my body during my menstrual cycle. And this brings me to the first thing that I want to talk about today. I think it's important to acknowledge the grief and sadness that occurs with the loss of a natural process. It's important to acknowledge that that feeling is valid, the feeling of having a period and being a normal, healthy woman and then all of a sudden not having a period anymore and being forced into menopause and all of the changes that our bodies make during menopause.

Speaker 0: 3:37

I think back to that nurse's comment again and it was well-intentioned, she was just going down her form of questions to ask me, but it really highlights a common misunderstanding. It's not about being lucky. It's about a significant bodily change, a loss of a natural life stage and, once again, something that's being forced upon us because of cancer. I think back to a friend who had breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy. A few years later she got pregnant and she had a baby and she remembers the labor and delivery nurse bringing the baby to her and asking her if she was going to breastfeed and that really brought up a lot of really sad feelings for my friend because she wanted to be able to breastfeed her child but she lost that opportunity to nurse her newborn baby. It's okay to mourn these experiences, it's okay to feel a sense of loss, and I'm I don't think we should minimize how we're feeling when that happens. And if you talk to a friend who's been through cancer and they mention a change that their body has been through. Let's not minimize how they are feeling.

Speaker 0: 5:01

The second thing that I want to talk about is this feeling of being disconnected from your body. I talked a little bit about this before, but our periods aren't just a monthly event. They're a signal from your body. I talked a little bit about this before, but our periods aren't just a monthly event. They're a signal from our body. It's a way we connect with our body. It's a way that we stay in tune with our cycle, and the absence of a period after cancer treatment is so weird because for many of us, we already feel like our bodies have betrayed us and this can just feel like one more way that betrayal has happened. We feel a little bit disconnected from our bodies. We feel a little bit alienated from our bodies. So I've been trying to figure out like how can I connect with my body knowing that that phase has passed? So, because we don't have our menstrual cycles giving us information about how we're doing every single month, I'm still kind of trying to figure out ways to connect with my body and trying to figure out how to pay attention to other cues and signals that my body might be sending me. It's just something I never expected to think about at 45 years old.

Speaker 0: 6:06

The last thing I want to talk about is reframing the narrative and finding agency. While some of us deal with a forced timeline, the fact that cancer put our bodies on a path that we didn't choose is undeniable. But we can still reclaim agency in our bodies and in our stories. We can find ways to reframe the experience. Maybe this means focusing on what we can control and what we can celebrate. This might mean exploring alternative ways to monitor our health, connecting with other women who have experienced similar changes and just recognizing that we're not alone. Maybe this means prioritizing self-care practices, creating new rituals in our lives and doing something to foster a sense of well-being and bodily acceptance.

Speaker 0: 7:07

The goal is to shift from feeling like a passive recipient of cancer's effects to becoming an active participant in our own health and well-being. It's really about finding power and reclaiming power in this new reality. So if you've ever felt that sense of sadness, the feeling of your body being on a timeline that you didn't choose, please know that you're not alone, that your feelings are valid and while we can't change what happened, we can find ways to navigate this new chapter, and one of the ways that I'm doing that personally is by finding ways to push my body physically, because I just want to show myself that I'm still strong and that I can do difficult things of my own choosing. I'm trying to build that grit, I'm trying to build that resilience and, instead of being on a monthly menstrual cycle, what I'm doing now is building my life around one big, epic adventure every year, and that big adventure kind of ties into this cycle, this something that is going to happen to me every year, something that I'm training for, something that I'm preparing my body and my mind for.

Speaker 0: 8:31

And right now, currently, that's just an annual summit to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, and I don't know how long I'm going to lead trips to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro, but that is the cycle that I'm focused on right now, this training cycle, this climbing cycle, this cycle of mental and physical preparation. And if climbing to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro is something that interests you, then we're getting ready to launch our 2026 climb dates here in June. June 10th is when we're going to open up our climb for 2026. So maybe, if you're like, oh, my body has changed and it's so different and maybe it's time to kind of reclaim that strength and power that you have and that I have. So, anyway, that's what's going on. Thanks for hanging out with me today and allowing me to share a little bit more of a personal side of cancer.